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Parenting & Family In General

Mrs brenda barham
My husband has been offered a job in Australia and has had his medical, I know nothing more at this stage except that he wants me to go with him. My marriage is not rock solid but I have been with him for 13 years. I have asked my children, who do not like him, if they would like to go (2nd marriage the children are mine from previous) and have declined. My 4 children are between the ages of 17 - 28 and I have 2 grandchildren. I would like to go for the experience and have the funds to return if I wish. Should I stay for my children or should I go for me?

 
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I have raised 3 sons who are now in their early forties. I made a 3,000 mile move (as a single parent) from one coast of the US to the other when they were in their early 20s leaving them in California, and they have spoken many times about the permission and freedom I gave them by showing them how to experience life, expand my personal development and world view and frankly, I have never regretted it.

I now am in my second marriage and my husband (who has 4 adult children and 10 grandchildren) and I have moved from New England in the US to England. I have left behind 2 grandchildren as well. Now we are 7,000 miles from them, and our kids and grandchildren might now have the opportunity to travel outside the US and experience Europe as well as England.

Do I miss long walks with my son and my "daughters-by-marriage"? You bet. Do I miss seeing the grand kids grow up? You bet. But it is not a missing that hurts my heart or my soul.

We are about to have another grandchild and our first great-grandchild at the end of 2007, and we may or may not be able to be there to greet them into this world. However, we will always be known as the couple who lived life fully, who showed how love can be very present over thousands of miles and that life is for living and experience.

We talk to them (and see them as well) via Skype with a web cam and if you can see and feel this as an adventure, you may renew yourself, your marriage and your life.

You will know best of course. I say 'Go for it.'

Good luck in the process of it all.

Susan

Ms Susan Lane Shaw UK
(Expert Rating 5)
  
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The 17-year old may be problematic if legal age is a factor unless s/he can be legally placed with a responsible relative.

The rest of your sons'/daughters' wishes to remain are not be a factor. They are all adults and capable of determining their own lives. However, you might consider their counsel, if they care to offer it, regarding your contemplated trip. They know him and they know you. Think about their comments.

Sometimes, adult sons & daughters have a way of knowing what's better for you than you may. They aren't raising parents, but you may not think your parental work complete. You would not be "staying for my children" except as an excuse not to go unless they really need you and cannot exist without your contribution. They are adults now and should be fully capable of existing in your absence. It is a tough thing for a parent to accept, but they are grown up and you are not raising them anymore. They may have accepted it, but you may not recognize it because you still think of them as "my children".

The rest is up to you. If you would care to take the chance that things may work out and can afford to return if they don't, then go for it. Consider your options, your resolve, your finances and decide accordingly. You will never be certain of the right decision until long after you have made it. Life goes on. Roll with the punches, get up and continue. There are no clear answers.

What's right for you?

Mr Craig Brownell
(Expert Rating 8713)
   Member has an expert rating of 5000+
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It is important not to alienate either your husband or your children. My suggestion: Since your children are above 17 make provisional arrangement for them where they are now, esp, the ones that are dependant on you. Convince them that you are going to Australia to explore a future for all of you in Australia. Once in Australia you try to get a job, get PR and bring your children, those who wish to join you. This might work.

With best wishes.

Mr Joseph Vempeny India
(Expert Rating 2831)
   Member has an expert rating of 2000+
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You will have to consider all the options and make your own decision, this is a decision that requires that you to do that for yourself. No one can answer for you, may you make the decision that is wise for you to make. bob l.

coming on thru USA
(Expert Rating 0)
  
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If your marriage is shaky moving to the other side of the world will put more pressure on it. Think, you will be leaving all your family who you love behind and if you split up you will have no one to turn to. Just think very carefully.

Mrs diane saffron UK
(Expert Rating 3713)
   Member has an expert rating of 2000+
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