Miss Jennifer Gervin
I am 18 years old. I have fallen for a man who is twice my age...43. He has a wife and three kids, the eldest being 22, middle 17 and the youngest of 12 years. I have never felt the same for anyone before. I know I am playing with fire if I get myself involved with this man but I love him a lot. I just need some advice please?

What you need is not a boyfriend but a dad. My guess is that you feel this way towards this man because you need or desire the companionship of an older man. DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH THIS MAN! That is the bottom line. Even if you believe that you truly love him, and even if he says he loves you don't believe it. He has a family already, and you should not hurt them just because you feel strongly towards him. If you can, start to spend time with your dad, if not try spending time with an uncle, grandfather, or pastor. I hope this answer helps.

The truth is that people fall in and out of love all life long. Even elderly people fall in love and often with people that are not their partners. The big question is what do you do about it? Although the feeling of love is very overwhelming you don't need to act upon the feeling. Go out with other people. Spend more time with your hobbies. Mix with people your own age and you will find that this feeling will go away pretty soon.

I am 55 (no lie).

While I am not wealthy, I am financially secure. I earn a good living and I have some "disposable income" to devote to "diversions".

If only I could find an attractive 18-year old girl who is not yet worldly, but open to a "meaningful relationship". She would have great respect for my wisdom and be in love with me because I care for her and have concern for her well-being. I can provide for her meager financial needs to some degree (baubles and occasional pizzas).

I can get some fabulous sex from this relationship. I could promise her anything and she would, innocently, accept my statements as absolute truth because I am fulfilling her emotional needs. If she needs an abortion, I can afford to pay for it. She may spend the rest of her life regretting it, but that's her problem. After all, I'm getting some great sex and this is cheaper than making peace with the shrew to whom I'm married.

I do not really love her, other than sexual gratification. I will not leave my wife or abandon my children, even if I have promised her that I will do so. I will make excuses, and she will accept them. I know this because she is a mere child and not at all as worldly as she believes herself to be.

If you think me a predator, you would be absolutely correct.

Take a lesson and don't be "the prey".

(I would not, of course, actually do this. The above is an all-too-familiar characterization of what is really going on.)

I'm a 42 year old woman. I was once an 18 year old girl.

Don't do it. Have more respect for yourself. Have more respect for the wife - in whose position you one day will be in. He doesn't love you. He's having a midlife crisis. You don't love him, you are flexing your emotional muscles. If you involve yourself with him and his life is shattered - he'd deserve it but what about his kids? A 12 year old in the middle of a bitter divorce? Not a nice place to be.

If it's the maturity you are seeking - there's plenty of single middle aged men out there.

You've got your whole life in front of you, don't be a middle aged man's titillation. Have a good time, with friends of your own age, build a group of friends now that'll carry you through your adult life. Can you imagine taking him to a concert to see your favorite band? Can you imagine just hanging out with him, having beer and pizza at one of your friends - and him being there?

My advice is, if he is married and still with his wife then he is already taken, and even if he did leave his wife for you then what makes you think he won't leave you for someone else? I think you are still young and don't need to be with a man who is already married and has children older than you. But if you really love him then make sure he really loves you, by asking him if he is serious about you and him or if he just wants a good time and with no strings attached. I hope he does really love you and everything works out fort the best. I just hope you don't get your heart broke.