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Ms vicky white
I am a 47 year old woman with very little sexual experience. I have been essentially a loner all my life but always with one or two people that I could call friends. I have zero libido for the most part. I am heterosexual, or more like asexual. My best friend is a gay guy and I'm attracted to gay men. My female friends are few, but I always have at least one female friend in my life. The female friends that I have I become very obsessed with, and want them around me alot, spending the night, talking, watching movies, shopping. I am no way attracted to them though. I have never been married, no boyfriend, no children. My question is. Is something wrong with me? I am of average appearance and was considered cute when I was younger, but always thought I was ugly. Why do I not have a sexual libido, is there any medication that I could take to increase my libido? My 17 year old cousin has more experience than I do. Sorry this is drawn out, but I wanted to make sure of all the details.

 
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Hi, first of all, there is nothing wrong with you and second you don't need any kind of medication to help you with your libido. What you need is to speak out, gay friends are great for those kind of conversations. You need to be more curious about sex, get to know your body well, see what's turn you on and what doesn't, not only on the sexual side but also in life. What do you like to do. Change your style of how you dress, how you look like, smile more, be funny, make new friends. Get interested in another language, another culture, enjoy yourself, without your friends visit a new club, dance, have fun, there is no such thing like ugly and beautiful believe me. I know a lot of models and they are not happy, most of them look good but have no education, most models are very strange, believe me. All my friends are beautiful from inside and they will stay that way as long they live, they don't mind if someone calls them ugly, maybe you feel the same when you see someone on the street you think : that man or woman is ugly. For you yes but for there family, friends, neighbours he or she is the most beautiful person on earth, so enjoy life, it is so beautiful and if it helps talk to your cousin. Teens right now have a lot of experience and are more open minded then a couple of years back. One last tip, I know it sounds strange but if it helps a little, visit someday a sex shop by yourself, ask the salesperson question about all items, see which one sounds interesting to you, the important thing is, go by yourself, no friends okay hope I could help.

Francis Vieira
(Expert Rating 494)
   Member has an expert rating of 200+
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This is quite an unnatural problem, but not to uncommon. Some question arose in my mind while reading your post. (1) Why you didn't marry? (2) Why you didn't have sex? (3) Why you have friends, but no soul mate? I felt you didn't get any person who can understand you, make your libido active and show you the normal life. Anyway, it seems you are not unhappy totally with your present situation. So please don't think about your weak libido. Enjoy the life the same way as you are doing. Any more further information, mail me abhimazumder@gmail.com. All the best.

Dr Abhijit Mazumder India
(Expert Rating 637)
   Member has an expert rating of 500+
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I think the most telling thing you say is that you always thought you were ugly even though others thought you cute. I think you are afraid of intimacy. I doubt there's anything physically wrong with you - I think you have a psychological problem.

It's up to you whether you address that problem or not. Many people go through their whole lives without ever really being intimate with another human being - mentally as well as physically - but I think it's tragic when that happens. It's very scary because you are open and vulnerable but being totally connected with another person is profoundly rewarding.

It's not too late. I hope you do see someone to help you open outward to the world - we are not all bad! Good luck.

Maximum
(Expert Rating 2522)
   Member has an expert rating of 2000+
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No there is nothing wrong with you it sounds to me that you simply suffer from low self esteem, how can you feel sexy and want sex if you feel ugly inside and out? I dont believe taking medication to raise your libido is the solution but boosting your confidence and starting to believe in yourself more is. Start by joining some clubs, classes, gym anything that takes you out of the house and making new friends. List all the good things about your personality and the way you look and read it every day. You are attracted to gay men because they are safe as they are not a sexual threat to you and you become obsessed with friends because you need someone to give you reassurance all the time. Confide in one of these friends and let them help you boost your confidence. You sound like you have a lot of love to give and I bet you are a wonderful person, I bet once you start believing this for yourself your libido will increase. Good luck x

Mrs Sharon Mackay
(Expert Rating 107)
   Member has an expert rating of 100+
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