women's health
This is a more personal relationship. On my birthday of this year I met someone while starting a new job. I had just moved to Georgia, so I wasn't looking for anyone. Simply because I had a relationship in Mississippi. I came to Georgia, there was illness in my family.

Let me begin with my relationship in Mississippi(MS). As of June, 2006 my boyfriend in (MS) and I had been together for about 13-14 months. He promised me things and treated me special. When we first got together, once again I had came out of a very bad relationship of 3 years in which there was a lot of cheating (not by me), and mental abuse (with the occasional physical abuse). I finally got out of this 3-year relationship to get with a man that promised me he was the better man. At first it was like fairy tail. You know the story. But, after about 3 months the relationship took me into a common ground. Note: He told me he would never cheat on me. My common ground started in August of 2005 in (MS). I knew it too well the regular phone calls stopped, he was beginning to work all the time, I never got a chance to see him, and if I called him he would claim to be busy or send me straight to voice mail. This went on for about a month or so. I decided to give him some space, cause maybe he realized that I wasn't what he wanted. Also, I was having a little problem with the ex-girlfriend. His sister and she was good friends etc... I would be at his mother's house and she would be too. Yeah, I know bad situation but I loved him. Let me explain I'm one of those kind of people that is referred to being a hopeless romantic. I could never sleep with anyone if I didn't have feelings of love for him.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I began to think he was cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend, he never had time for me, he didn't answer his phone, so I decided to let him know I didn't want to be with him anymore. I didn't talk to him for 3 weeks and I avoided him. We ran into each other at the 4th week and he ran up and gave me a big hug and told me how much he missed me and that he wants to be with me and only me. Dumb of me I took him back, and it was OK for a little while but again around November, December, of 2005 those same old feelings came back. In January 2006, I was at my point I didn't trust him and that I was going to tell him that it was over. I never got around to it because in front of all his family at one of his family outings he got on one knee I know what you are thinking a proposal, No! He asked for forgiveness! He had been sleeping with his ex-girlfriend etc... I'm standing there stupid because it was now or forever. I told him he was sleeping with her and he denied it and made feel like I was a jealous crazy bitch. I hated him, but I forgave him. Things didn't get better or maybe I stop trying. You see he worked with this girl, she was his sister friend etc...He also is what I call a functional alcoholic, and my last relationship of 3 years he too is a functional alcoholic. In June of 2006, illness hit my family so I came up to Georgia (GA). This was a great time to get myself together and get away from bad relationships. After my family member got better, I decided to stay a little while. But I visit once a month to (MS). Note: I was not looking for a man! I'm in my mid-20s and everyone I've been with has been in their 30s. Yes an older man and yes I've been taken care of real good, I didn't have to want for anything. Anyway I had been working at this warehouse for almost 2 weeks, when I was moved to a different area. Yeas, I went to work on my birthday, I needed the money!!! The supervisor talked to me and we had a good conversation and she revealed to me that she was from Alabama and that she too came up here to get herself together, and that she been up in GA for 13 years. Anyway, later on that day I saw her talking to this guy. An hour or so before lunch she revealed to me that someone was interested in me one the line and that he was a good guy. I told her I didn't want to meet anyone because I was not going to stay in GA long. Again telling her I was not interested. She told me she's been working with this guy for awhile now, and what shocked her is that as long as they been working together he has never ever talked to anyone. I said what the hell I don't have to sleep with him just a little casual conversation, and I would be nice for the supervisor. We talk some at work for that day, and asked me to take his number down and to please call him. At this point I still wasn't interested because I was still in a relationship with someone and if I wasn't in a relationship I didn't want to start another relationship. The next day at work, I was placed in the area and me and the new guy conversed through out the day. I promised I would call him and I did. Now, nearly 5 months later we are together, but it is not a healthy relationship.

Why isn't this relationship healthy? He too is a functional alcoholic. He's warm and nice. He don't have a lot of money, but he's sincere with his actions. I haven't had to worry about any women at this point except that he is from N. Carolina and I guess his ex-girlfriend still calls him. He's been here for about 15 months. He is also in his mid 20s and this is a first for me. I THINK HE DRINKS CAUSE HIS MOTHER DIED 3 YEARS AGO, AND ITS HARD FOR HIM TO DEAL WITH IT. I want to be with him cause he's sincere but the drinking has to stop or be decreased. He works and he wants to be with me etc...what should I do my heart says to stay, but my mind tells me to leave.

"what should you do your heart says to stay, but your mind tells you to leave."
YOUR MIND SPEAKS THE TRUTH!

Your heart will take time to realise that there is nothing left in this relationship.
Only problem is that your heart may realise it a bit too late.

Your heart feels to stay because you are still emotionally attached to him. Ask your heart or pay attention to the emotions going on inside you. You will automatically get the answer to what why your heart says to stay.

Pray and God will give you with the right decision.

Lots of Love.

Rupert symss

Both relationships are ultimately unhealthy. You need to be out of both.

My worry is that you seem to have a fatalistic approach to this - 'history repeats' - you don't seem to own your involvement in shaping your present and your future. History will only repeat itself if you let it - in fact if you make it repeat itself. You are not a 'hopeless romantic' - saying that too implies that you are powerless to change things.

You need to build your self esteem so you will not be willing to settle for these relationships which are unhealthy. You are worthy of being loved, trusted and cherished by a man and to return that trust. Not all men cheat. Not all men drink. Not all men lie. Not all men hurt you. But you need to believe that you are entitled to that before you can make a relationship with anyone. Be more choosy, wait until you know a lot about a guy before falling for him.

I used to always go for guys who were wrong for me. I thought I wanted to be someone's saviour - stand by my man no matter what - so I (subconsciously) sought out men with problems so that I could suffer with them and try and help them. I even married because I felt sorry for someone. It didn't matter to me that I had no fun, that I was put down, dragged down, because I 'loved' my man and I would do anything for him. Rubbish. It's called codependency and you can change it. I did. It's not easy but it's worth it. Good luck x

Why do you keep selling yourself short? Its almost like you only think you are a great person, if someone else pays you some good attention. You are addicted to alcoholics by the sound of it, or attracted to the same type of relationship that is co dependent . Your choosing men who are full of problems, and its like you try to find excuses for them. Umm wake up Sister, you can be doing a whole heap better for yourself. You need to learn a bit more about yourself and who you are, and what you want for yourself. Its time for you to search your soul, and start to value the lovely things about who you are. You have developed a bad habit without realising it and need to work on your issues. There is a fantastic book that is full of amazing things called "Women who love too much" and its written by robin Norwood. I highly recommend you read this book before you make any more decisions about what you are going to do. Use your head this time, and get educated. You only have one life, why waste it on someone elses problems when you can be soaring in the sky with happiness and a fulfilling relationship. Good luck.