I shall be grateful if you could spare some moments reading on this mail
and could guide me regarding the un fateful problem that we are facing.
Although that might be of little interest to you but your advice will be unbiased and precious for us to proceed ahead.
I'm a 28 guy, from & engaged to a girl name Mira.(aged 23 yrs)
Let me tell you about her in brief. She is a qualified engineer and looking for a job now a days. But she is quite upset as she is unable to find a good opening for herself.
But from the last many days she is facing the problem of negative thoughts/emotions/mood variations.
Let me explain in detail:
(1)At times if she is thinking about her father like if he for a job (although he is retired), he might face a accident or might work properly or might have any health problem etc.
Similarly, if she is worried about her brother (who is in 12th standard), that whether he is studying properly or not. while thinking all this her thoughts go to the level that while thinking all this, she will start thinking that he might not get fail, or fall in relation with any girl or such stuff. Similarly, she will think about me also. These thoughts make feel guilty conscious, that she is thinking bad about her family and me too.
(2) Secondly, recently (2-3 months back) I made her aware about the relationship of husband – wife that apart from emotional relations, physical intimacy is also a part of this relation. To which I explained her, in balanced manner (as if explaining in an educational manner, since I received sex educational in my high school), like I received in my high school. To which she responded excitedly and was eager to know more about it. Up to that level it was OK since we haven’t crossed our limits (haven’t developed any physical relationship so far) and are limited to hugs and kisses only.
Problem started when one of her room mates in her PG, showed her a porn movie showing sexual congressions (sex intimacies) in a vulgar manner, after seeing which she was quite upset and felt bad. But to some extent , I could convince her that things are rubbish and are shown in a very cruel manner.
Also after she explanation to her regarding the physical relation, we both sometimes involve ourselves in sort of sexual fantasies on phone involving both of us, to which we both enjoy, although I take care that we discuss that only when she wants. (she is quite relaxed after that) but at times feels guilty about it too.
But, after wards when she is in market or else where in a crowded place, she will start staring at the private parts of other people (men and women) and would imagine about them in her mind. (she feels guilty about it too ) which is, what I think is because of the porn movie that she saw as she often tells me.
Because of these 2 problems she feels low at times and it takes a lot efforts to console her and motivate her, that you go out do some walking watch TV, work on desktops etc so that you are busy.
When ever she feels low while thinking about these things, she calls me and tells me all this thoughts going in her mind (during that she might get angry with me for staying in other city far off, and other topics etc.), after discussing with me (I try to boost/motivate her), she cools down and feels relaxed and is happy that she could share her feelings with me.
Now the question is that whether this is a psychological/ psychiatrist problem involving some medicinal therapies or just the advices/guidance’s from a psychiatrist. Or take her for some mental rejuvenation courses involving meditations?
I'm asking all this because I feel that I will get an unbiased answer to my problem since this is my problem not hers.
I shall be grateful if after reading all this matter for so long , you can guide me.
I shall be waiting to proceed