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Questions answered by Seamus Madden M.A.S.C.    (Expert Rank: 1508) Member has an expert rating of 100+
 

Sean, now in late teens did well at school and passed his A levels with flying colours. Now, however, he is unable to find a job, drinks a lot, exposes himself to unnecessary physical risks and does not see any point in carrying on. He recently took an overdose but called for help at the last minute. He fell in love with a girl only to find out that she was sleeping with his best friend. His parents separated when he was nine after years of rows and he has lived at quite a few different places with his mother. He doesn't feel able to talk about his feelings to either of his parents. He has an older sister, but is not close to her. How would you set about helping him see himself in a more positive light?:

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
Hi,
After an initial chat to assess him, my first pot of call would be to explore key events in his life and try and get his perspectives. These would be varied and may hold directions for later exploration into how he perceives himself and offer insights to what maybe the best options.

Generally speaking, the key steps that I have successfully used, and obviously others, is too assess the patient holistically. Isolate key events that may help form a picture of how the person feels about himself and key people that were prominent in their early developmental years.
The last step usually involves getting the patient to speak out loud and "self argue" why they feel the way they do, after asking questions about what they feel that they don't like about themselves.

These steps don't usually mean a long period of counselling but if the patient's needs are not assessed in enough depth then this can prolong a lot of unnecessary pain.

Referring to Sean's case specifically. His parents splitting at an early age indicates that that that may have been a usual scene which would not have allowed his normal emotional development to occur and this would normally mean a lack of self worth and esteem. His lack of contact with his Sister would also confirm that is the case as she may also have been disaffected.
My first step would be to see how deep these problems go by asking him to list as many negative traits that he has that he believes are a problem and let him work out why they maybe not as much as a concern as he may think.

Regards

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What does it mean to be attracted to someone past a physical state?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
Hi,
I know that this question may have gone "past it's sell by date" but I wanted to answer it anyway.

The phrase may refer to what is called "Soulmates". There are many interpretations to what this means, so compare mine to others that you may have heard of by now.

It can suggest that a couple have gone past sexual intimacies but still enjoy each others company as friends or it could mean that a couple are so in tune, at that precise moment in time, that they understand and enjoy everything about their partner that they could never replace them. This could mean the physical as well as the companionship aspects of their relationship.

I wish I had got to this question sooner, it would have made for a good debate.

Regards

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If I am an unmarried father of a new baby and are going to separate from his mother who has anger and violence problems what would be my chance of getting custody?

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Question found in Parenting & Family In General
Hi,
It is very difficult for the father to always win cases like this as the courts tend to sometimes act emotionally and favour the mother.

If they see that she is getting help them you may have extended periods while she follows this path but you would have to prove, with extensive and individual testimonies that her problems threatened your child's quality of life or that she could be a threat to the child's life directly.

Is her problem that severe and if they are can you prove it?

Regards

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I have a sore throat and an earache on my left side. Is it an ear or sinus infection?

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Question found in Health & Fitness In General
Hi,
It could be a sore throat just reached your ear, or even the other way round.
I would not rush to the doctors and demand antibiotics as some easy self help may help clear it up.

At the first sign of a sore throat then just gargle with a warm solution of salt water. This will help kill off any bugs in your throat and also help alleviate the unwelcome symptoms that go with it. You only need a teaspoon in a small glass and not too hot and just gargle in such a way that you cover all of your throat and do this twice a day for a week. If you do not see any improvement after a week then you may have to see your doctor.
I have been using this home remedy for years and I have noticeably reduced my visits to the doctor. No sitting in the waiting room with other people who are invariably sicker than you, no going out in the cold etc.

Sinus is a different type of condition but as you may know the nasal passages start from the throat so doing the above suggestion may prevent an escalation in your symptoms.

Take care.

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I have pain/discomfort under my left rib cage in the abdominal area, there is a bruise their and it hurts a lot when I lie on my stomach, is it just a pulled muscle or could it be more serious? Thanks Sarah.

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Question found in Health & Fitness In General
Hi,
Have you recently banged that area? Can you see a bruise?
Have you been drinking enough water?

If the first two are a yes then cold compress and rest. If the last one is a no then drink more water and watch your diet.

If none of them help then go see a doctor and he can do a physical check to eliminate more obvious causes.

Take care

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I have a 2 year old boy, who since he was born has never slept through the night.

He gets up at least twice in the night wanting milk. I have tried everything from bathing him to reading stories.

Is there something I can do to get him to sleep through the night?

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Question found in Parenting & Family In General
Hi,
He may just be going through a phrase but I'm concerned at the length of time he has been suffering from this symptom.
If you have not already done so pop him down to the doctors and get him checked out, if you can update me with the result then that would be appreciated.

Kind regards

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I am a working woman of 34 from India. I am married for last 3 years. The man I am married to has a kid who is now 12 years of age. Since our marriage, the kid and I were very close and he was just like my own son and hence I had decided not to conceive so that I could bring up the child as my own son and my total attention is towards him. But anyhow, my husband has been always passing loose comments about various petty things like my appearance, my father’s family, his being more superior than everyone etc. This has been going on since our marriage. But I took all these very lightly and jokingly as he always apologized after that. But of late since last 8 / 10 months, I have been cheated. Firstly, he had a short term affair with a girl which I came to know and then he apologized for that. I somehow had forgiven him and continued with the marriage. Again he contacted his first wife and since 6 months he gave away the child to her and she being the child’s own mother had the right too towards the child. The child initially did not want to go but now everything is quite fine and the child stays with his mother. My husband got involved with his first wife and they had been going to places and seeing each other. But again my husband has realized his mistake and stopped such nefarious activities. In the mean time, I had to seek refuge at my father’s place since my husband had become very vindictive and tortured me severely both mentally and sometime physically too. Now he wants me to be back to him and stay with him. Since I love him very much, I thought of again forgiving him for all and start afresh. But still he continues with his loose comments. He is very inconsistent and once he is very much loving and the other time he speaks all abusive things. He has a complex over my sister’s fiancée who is a doctor and always speaks bad about him. He thinks that he is not valued but my father always speaks to him very nicely, invites him, pampers him. My husband not only behaves such inconsistently with me but with everyone. I am really at a loss. Since my mother expired, my father is unwell, I remain tensed about my father’s health. With my work pressure and the my devastated life, I am now at the edge of my life. My blood pressure has gone up very much and I can understand that my health is severely affected. I love my husband and hence whenever I think of very firmly taking a decision to get separated, I feel too much pain. Again I am unable to go and stay with him due to his such behavior. He calls me and sends me sms and I remember of all good times with him and feel like suicidal. What to do? Please help me. I want to live my life.

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
Hi,
I would suggest that you tell your "Husband" to stop acting like a spoilt baby and start supporting you. It is his demeaning comments and negative attitude towards you that has made you feel so worthless and unable to cope with your bereavement. He is acting selfish and insensitive and if he can't support you then I would suggest that you try and find a local self help group and ask them for support. If you contact me direct with where you live I will try and help you more or give me more information on here.

Whatever happens please don't let his ignorant behaviour get to you as you are going through a very tough time with little or no support from someone most people would expect to be able to get some from. I would also suggest that you may have to look to your future options as it maybe that all he wanted was a mother figure for his Son and he felt no real emotional attachment to you from the start.

Take care and please keep in touch

Kind regards

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When I get out of high school I want to get into the shipyard and do welding. After a few years of that I want to get into the navy and learn how to be an underwater welder, but what I'm scared of is having too much holding over my shoulders and not being able to make it. Should I try to do what I would like to do or trying to find something that I will be able to handle?

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Question found in Jobs & Careers
Hi,
Is there welding in your family history or do you just fancy doing it for some reason?
If you are not yet out of high school then i would suggest you make no definite plans as yet but see what grades you get as you may even surprise yourself and what you could actually achieve.

Please read my profile as you may find that may get you to explore your own perceptions of who you are and what you can do if you just believe you can.

Take care.

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I try to loose weight, seems like everything I eat goes right through me, but nothing changes. How could this be?

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Question found in Health & Fitness In General
Hi,
How much do you weigh now? If this has been going on for a while then you will need to go and see a doctor, although your symptoms could also be a sign of stress.
Offer more information and I will help further.

Kind regards


Comments :
it has been for the past few years, sometimes i have to stop eating and go to the bathroom. and sometimes i have to go more than once before it stops.

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Does prostate cancer happen in your testicles?

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Question found in Health & Fitness In General
Hi,
No, as it's name suggests, it attacks your Prostate gland.
It is a very treatable version of this disease as long as it is spotted early enough.

May I ask why you have asked this question or are you just curious for some reason?

Take care

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