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Questions answered by Seamus Madden M.A.S.C.    (Expert Rank: 1508) Member has an expert rating of 100+
 

I do not get on with my partners mother, she is very controlling and manipulative and because of this I have kept my distance from her as I do not want to get involved in her latest traumas!

My partner and I have a 20mth old daughter who sees her grandma when grandma asks to see her. There has been one occasion where his mother was not allowed to see her granddaughter because I had made plans and was not about to change them as they had been booked well in advance, for this I was called unreasonable. She asked to see her granddaughter 4 days in advance claiming she had cancelled all of her plans to see her but neglected to ask if she was free in the first place, then proceeded to moan about having to `book` time to see her granddaughter. in response to this I believe that she is the one being unreasonable. I have recently found out that his mother threatened to take me to court over this claiming she is denied access to her granddaughter! does she have any grounds for court proceedings even tho she has otherwise always been able to see her granddaughter on every other occasion?

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Question found in Parenting & Family In General
Based on the information you have supplied above then the answer would be no.

But there is a much bigger picture here and change needs to happen. Starting with your partner. His/her mum is manipulative, and it just isnt healthy for your family to have to cope with her unnecessary emotional baggage, especially on your daughter. Nothing will change until you get your partners total support and that means a change of perspective and behaviours. Their mum needs to be gently BUT firmly put in her place and you could offer a starting point of suggesting a regular day/time when she can pop round. It wouldnt harm if you could also try suggesting coffee "mornings" either with your daughter or without so you and their mum can just have some girly time.

The point of all this is to set boundaries and expectations, for all parties involved. This process will help everyone appreciate what the others family members have to worry about and so improving communication. As you will expect this wont improve overnight and you will obviously have to expect some sulks along the way, which is why you and your partner need to be on the same hymn sheet. If you know how she may react you can pressure him to make sure he does what he needs to do, rather than what he wants so keeping the peace, which usually helps no one.

One word of caution, keep notes of what happens, specifically what she does, in the unlikely event that she threatens court action, if you can turn round and point out dates and events of what really happened then she will learn that you have your head screwed on and so gaining respect, she will think twice about putting you all through the pointless legal proceedings.

Footnote, you have inherited two people who were very likely raised in dysfunctional environments, so expect to be the only "Grown up" during most of this, BUT it will get easier, i hope, ;-)

Regards

Comments :
thank you so much for your advice, i will try with my partner to sort this whole mess out, i understand the bit about him just trying to keep the `peace` as he always ends up feeling sorry for her which is what she always aims for! thank you again :-)

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Should I give up my wife that moved half-way across the country and started sleeping with another man and isn't 100% sure she still wants to be with me, or my friends that respect me for who I am but live a lifestyle I disapprove of and have no desire to better themselves essentially holding me back?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
I'd do neither, but I would decide on what you really want from your life. AND more importantly where you should aim to be to get there.

Another thing worth mentioning though, it is very easy to criticize others way of life and ignore ones own failings or causes of unhappiness. If they are there to support you then you would do a lot worse then enjoy their company and maybe learn to give some of it back too. No one gets very far without learning a little give and take along the way.

:)

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I'm a average looking simple and helping natured girl. But I fail to get priority in my college because of looks. What can I do to improve myself?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
Stop trying so hard?

It can be very "clicky" in that type of environment, and it wont get any easier as you progress through life. As politics is part and parcel of being successful you really need to find a level of self belief that you are comfortable with and say the hell with what others think. Just because you are not successful with this aspect of college life doesn't mean you are not or cant be more successful in others.
Decide what is really important to you, make a plan to improve on what is and let the numbnuts follow your lead, :)

Either way have fun this is just one small step in a much larger picture that will go on to make up your life.

:D

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Do anything happen ( like some changes in our look i.e. hair, face, body ) if we touch any human being?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
It depends on how you "touch" them. As we are animals at heart we are usually touched by any form of emotional interactions. So if we are lonely and someone spots this and just touches our arm and asks are we ok, then that could have a huge affect on our morale, and even make us smile. If we are attracted to this person, then we could even start "pruning", playing with our hair, stroking, shuffling our feet, etc etc.

It all depends on how strong the attraction is, or on the situation, the very least we will smile, the very best a kiss, lol

:D

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Is it possible to calculate the effect of benzodiazepines on a healthy person with no history of drug use? this is for purposes of calming anxiety re medical procedures.

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Question found in Health & Fitness In General
This question has no rules of thumbs and no one should offer any. The fact that you feel that taking these types of drugs for such a trivial matter is also worrying.

These types of drugs can be addictive, taking any type of active drug has risks and not knowing anything about you, your history, what other medicines that you might be taking etc etc etc etc makes me go about answering your question from another more healthier perspective.

Start by asking yourself some honest questions, do you have a history of suffering from a lack of confidence/ self belief or is it just with "exams" type situations?
Are others putting unfair pressure on you to do well, do you actually want to sit this exam?
You get the idea, lol

If you do want to do this then try looking at relaxation/ visualization techniques, see yourself doing well.

The bottom line is that if you can do this, raise your game for this one exam then you will grow as a person more than you nay realise.

Good luck, :D

Comments :
This is not about exams or
confidence.
Medical procedures can be unpleasant, and benzodiazepine relieves anxiety. If used just for the procedure surely addiction is improbable. If medical procedures are avoided because of such fears more harm may result, Anxiety is not trivial.


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Discussion:

Anxiety isnt trivial and it can be helped by the use of properly administered drugs, the point is they are handed out far too easily because the patient feels that they are the only solution to their problem when in effect they have the best cure to help themselves. Dishing out drugs instead of offering some common sense tough love is partly the reason that some people suffer from anxiety in the first place, a fact that most refuse to face because they go for the easy option and so they suffer from anxiety far longer than they should, unless people enjoy suffering from a lifetime of being helpless?

Antibiotics/antidepressants et al are given out without the gp/md being capable of any form of holistic caring, and just because the patient gets too emotional and cant be objective enough to be able to help themselves properly the problem just goes on and the patient feels even more isolated and hopeless.

Anxiety is caused by a lack of confidence, a breakdown in the normal emotional development that has similar causes that shows up in the majority of sufferers, find the causes and the effects of those confusions usually lessens but it doesnt always start with drugs, they start with the person getting a holistic program of care and drugs are just one part NOT the only one, :)

Harmful organisms and viruses are the cause of...?

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Question found in Science In General
Illnesses and disease, which lead to hardship and an increase in hospital and after care costs. And what else?

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Did the captain have anything to do with the sinking of Titanic?

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Question found in Miscellaneous
Yes, which is why he went down with it.

His arrogance led to the sinking of the ship as he felt, as did others, that the ship was unsinkable so he didnt make sure his "team" were aware of the possible dangers and so didnt prepare for them. He felt that the way the ship was designed made it impervious to any dangers that icebergs posed, he ignored any warnings given and most importantly of all, he panicked when the berg was spotted, so instead of steering directly at it, so limiting the possible damage, he instead tried to swerve away from it. :)

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Discussion:

Was it really his fault, or the people who wanted him to run the ship? They were the people who informed him that the ship was "unsinkable" in the first place. That is just one question that can be asked. There are so many variables that no one person will ever truly know, that there is no real answer to this question. I feel that anyone who answers this question one way or the other is just going off of things that other people have said & written. Therefore, there is NO true answer to this question and never will be. All answers to this question are just mere personal opinion on the matter.

I might be in serious trouble soon HELP?

I took my dad's NEW Tahoe hybrid for a drive because he took my car away from me, I drove it to the mall to go shopping and when I came out of the mall there was a dent near the bumper. To make things worse, he's a police officer and I am already grounded because I threw a party while my parents were out of town and I have also gotten a few tickets.

HELP ME

I'm soo upset now my dad came home a couple of nights ago after work, and started screaming at me and was REALLY pissed about everything, and To make it worse, I started screaming at him and he grounded me until NOVEMBER . He didn't leave so I pushed him and that really got him angry and he just radioed one of his co-workers. I want to be close to my dad like I used to be.

I also had a party while my parents were gone and my dad said Mario (also a police officer) and family friend would come and check on me I didn't believe my dad but sure enough he did come and I was drunk it was bad, and I REALIZE I made a mistake.

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
It sucks being young, doesnt it, :)

He seems to have taken it away so you would learn a useful lesson and maybe even grow up a little, trouble is by the sounds of it you havent learnt anything.

As it is too late to change what has happened the only way forward is for you to come clean and if you have learned anything then you need to convince your Dad that is genuine. Trying to hide it or make up some story to make out it wasnt your fault will only make the situation worse and could lead to you not being trusted for a lot longer that you have been grounded.

Even if your dad was unfair in his treatment of you, unlikely as you would have said, playing by his rules will still help you survive better in an unfair world.

Either way this is your learning curve, you can either gain something positive and prove to your Dad that you can be trusted and you want make him proud of you by learning the lessons of your life and being a man. I know it sucks but life isnt fair and can be a right pain in the a$$, :)

Be safe, well safer than you have been, ;-)

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What are the factors that may affect the relationship of a couple?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
Pick a letter of the alphabet and go from there, :)

In what way, trust, intimacy, communication, social skills??????

Your question is a little vague but I will try and illuminate some key aspects and if you reply on here or direct then i can than open it up more.

The one key aspect to any relationship, intimate or work etc is communication.
If you are comfortable with yourself, comfortable with being around people and enjoy interacting with people then you wont have any problem with that aspect, but even if you are shy then just take your time and try and not be put off by any mistakes or misunderstandings. :)

Once you have that one under your hat then the rest just falls in to place, :)
Did you take notes or would you like me to repeat it, ;-)

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When looking at evolution and early man, what is left for us to find?

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Question found in Science In General
Hi,
There are still countless holes in our knowledge with regard to how we evolved from apes to homo sapiens. Language and culture just being two. The fossil records are not complete and finding more sites where we lived and evolved could answer some of the cultural questions but as you know, how languages and the written word developed over time may never be known.....


Regards

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