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Questions answered by Seamus Madden M.A.S.C.    (Expert Rank: 1508) Member has an expert rating of 100+
 

How do I try and mend this break up before I finish packing all my belongings?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
By you both sitting down and having 5 minutes uninterrupted explaining how you both feel and what you both want. If after that you still have things in common and ways that you both can compromise then see what you have both agreed through and if after two weeks it is still working then unpack your bags and give each other a big hug!

The second option is for one of you to find a sofa to sleep on for a few days to give each of you some space to think things through without the pressure of the relationship and then do the above.

Whatever method you choose resist the easy option which is to just throw in the towel and give up. keep things non personal also helps.

If I can help further then contact me, either way I wish you both all the best.

Regards :)

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My husband is very controlling and I don't know how to deal with it. For instance the other day we were taking a family picture and my husband got mad at me because I styled my hair in a way that he didn't like it. In the midst of the argument I told him that I would have changed it but I didn't have the time. He said I should have bought my hair stuff in the car and changed it to the way he wanted it. He was also upset because I wore makeup. We have been having this makeup argument for the past six months. When he met me I wore make up and colored my hair now he wants me to stop all together. I feel I don't have to because he should accept me for how I am. I wear it because I like it. It helps me feel feminine like all the little things women do for themselves. He feels I need to stop all of it. He gets mad if I tweeze my eyebrows if I color my hair or do any maintenance to myself. He feels like I am being a bad example for our six month old daughter because if she sees mommy wearing makeup she will want to wear it too and then that will turn her into a ####. Yes I know this is stupid but this is how he feels. I have tried to compromise and it doesn't work he just keeps taking from me and taking from me. If this persist I am going to begin to hate myself because I am turning into someone I don't know. What do I do....

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
I get the feeling that there is a bigger picture here and this may not be about you directly. I suggest exploring this possibility by getting him to open up and offer unintentional clues about what the problem is. He may have let some freudiant comments slip through already so you may have to cast your mind back and think about things that he may have said that may have seemed unconnected or ambiguous at the time. The bottom line is that you are not doing anything wrong, just being your sexy self so where does his signs of guilt come from?

Happy hunting and don't let his behaviour have a negative affect on yours. :)

Regards

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A few years ago I was in a very stressful situation regarding my mother, whilst trying to maintain a positive family life with my husband and children. I was having considerable trouble coping so I saw a psychologist. Things got worse and I turned to my husband for help. My children were also showing signs of stress. During I found out that my husband belongs to a coven sect. We have been regular church goers. I was very upset by this, especially as he was involved as a guide to help others. I challenged him by saying that he had time for this, but no time or patience for his own family. I nearly left him. I felt that our years together as a couple and as members of our church was a lie. I became more distressed and suicidal. I sought help and have been on antidepressants ever since. I am still uncomfortable with my husband's involvements as I felt betrayed as he had kept it a secret from me for almost 30 years. I know he attends frequent meetings with work committees he is on and with this group. I have chanced on photos of nude group members, one person in particular, when getting an item from his bag on his request. He takes little interest in me and my life and takes no interest in me sexually. I cannot speak to him of any problems as he frequently counters with 'I have problems too'. I am frustrated and feel cut off by this secret life of his. I feel alone and unsure of what is going on and what I can do?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
Hello there,
I suspect that many people at some time or other have felt that the fabric of their world has come a little bit untangled. The foundation of your life was based on a lie and this won't change until you decide what is important to you. Your happiness or his? His life won't change much as he is obligated and will continue to have his needs satisfied through his "interests", yours on the other hand will take great courage if you are to be happy again.

Take stock of the options you have, the choices and the consequences and decide what is best for you. Focus on those decisions and let the sadness wait a while, you will have all the time in the world to cry but it isn't now.
Then bite the bullet and win through, I suspect you will find a strength that you didn't know you had. You may need advice and you are more than welcome to contact me direct if I can help further.

Best of luck and kind regards. :)

Comments :
Thank you for the advice. I will work on it.

Slightly Less Confused


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Can people accuse others of stealing without proof?

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Question found in Education In General
Hello,
People can accuse but without proof then it is just rumour and gossip.
The question is why are they accusing you? Is there anything happening or has happened recently. Are they jealous of you for some reason?

Whatever happens don't let it get to you nor can you allow yourself to take it personally, if you do then they have won. Keep smiling tell them to go to hell and ignore them.

Take care

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The contents of the small intestine are liquid but the feces are much more solid. Can you explain what causes this to happen?

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Question found in Science In General
The answer is a simple one, fluids are "syphoned" off via the kidneys and the solids will eventually pass through the small intestine and end up passing out via the anus whereas fluids will leave via the urethra.

I don't think that I've missed anything out...... :)

Regards

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My husband wants to keep the photo of his x wife in the house. Even he always tell me that I too need to remember her as I am looking after her kids. Sometime he tells me if I love him and the kids I will keep the photo. I don't want to do that? but I don't want to make him feel bad or hurt. What should I do?

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Question found in People & Relationships In General
He seems to want to cling on to something for whatever reason? I would suggest that you find out what. Bear in mind that if the reason is a genuine one he won't mind telling you and if it isn't then be suspicious and ask more questions. The bottom line for you should be that your concerns are met and expelled he should know that and be willing to explain his actions, logically.

Take care

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My partner and I have been talking about taking a trip without the children for a birthday of mine. We don't live close to family so my son doesn't have really close relationships with them so I cannot decide which year to go away as he will only be 13 months by my next birthday. At what age would it be best to leave my son for a few days without him being affected by separation anxiety?

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Question found in Parenting & Family In General
Well that would depend on who you left your child with?
If its with known family, friends and your son would feel settled then it maybe OK. If not then think hard about your options and don't do anything that you may later regret, or your son.

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Why do we need to eat?

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Question found in Science In General
Hello, good question.
We are all living organisms, and as such we will need to perform the following to survive as well as our species.

Be born, eat, remove waste, replicate, die. Most creatures do all of those, but humans and some primates have added an extra one; we know how to party!

Eating, allows us to gain the necessary nutrients and calories to stay alive long enough to further the species, or if you are Kate Moss it will allow you just long enough to find a dodgy boyfriend.
We are in effect just a humble vehicle for our genes, and long may that continue....... :)

Regards

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Bad headache, behind eyes, 3 days??

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Question found in Health & Fitness In General
It may be worth having a chat with your doctor just to rule out anything more serious but I suspect it maybe one of the following: Bad eyes, so get your eyes checked out or tension which maybe caused by stress or looking at a computer screen (or other item) too long. Either way it shouldn't be anything to worry about.

Kind regards

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Very severe soreness of the gums have been on antibiotics for over a week and that still hasn't worked. I have been taking panadeine forte plus nufefen plus but there is still no pain relief I have also have been using a gel for the mouth to numb it, which still hasn't given me any relief. The pain is a 10 out of 10 plus.

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Question found in Miscellaneous
Sounds like a job for a dentist as you may have some form of gum disease?
Either way get it checked out and you should start to feel a whole lot better.

It's a shame I can't see what it looks like.

Take care and I hope you are sorted very soon.
Regards

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