I think the most telling thing you say is that you always thought you were ugly even though others thought you cute. I think you are afraid of intimacy. I doubt there's anything physically wrong with you - I think you have a psychological problem.
It's up to you whether you address that problem or not. Many people go through their whole lives without ever really being intimate with another human being - mentally as well as physically - but I think it's tragic when that happens. It's very scary because you are open and vulnerable but being totally connected with another person is profoundly rewarding.
It's not too late. I hope you do see someone to help you open outward to the world - we are not all bad! Good luck.
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